Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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