Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize