So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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