I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
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I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
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Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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