last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize