Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize