yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize