ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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