that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
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i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
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He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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