I just made out with a guy for $7.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
and you fell through a lawn chair
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize