Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
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