Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize