I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize