so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
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Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
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On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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