If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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