you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
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If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
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I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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