I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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