Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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