I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
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Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
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I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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