"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
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i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
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I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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