I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
His hands were made for my vagina.
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she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize