so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
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Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
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I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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