You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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