Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize