Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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