sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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