she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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