Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
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i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
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In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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