I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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