hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
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