just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
you would pick up someone in the library
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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