One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
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He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
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I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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