I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
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you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
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