Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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