She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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