worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize