Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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