I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
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i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
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I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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