she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
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Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
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we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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