Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
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