I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize