I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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