I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
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Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
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I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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