what day is it and did you see me today?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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