apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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