yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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