you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
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THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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