i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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