im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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