checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
false alarm, still single
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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